I Swear I'm Not Stalking Diablo Cody

My neighbors must have wondered what all the screaming was about last night when I started jumping, whooping and then crying as Diablo Cody took home the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. I know I've talked about feeling this sense of voyeuristic fan girl pride before, but I still can't fully explain it. It's not just rooting for the underdog or pulling for a fellow sex worker to "make good", though that's certainly true on both counts. A huge part of Diablo Cody's appeal is her rags (thongs?) to riches story. If an ex-stripper with no formal writing education can not only have her first ever screenplay produced, but also win a fucking Oscar? Then maybe my dream of getting up on stage for Open Mic Night or self-publishing my own novel isn't so crazy.

There's no doubt her story is inspiring. I started reading her blog back when she was stripping, so watching her career path go from developing a huge blog following to publishing her first book to Juno has been thrilling. Even though we've never traded more than a few comments and links on our respective blog rolls, I feel like I know her. I feel the same sense of pride that I would for a good friend. And to a lot of people (most notably my real life friends) that sounds very strange.

It helps that Trixie feels the same way (and no doubt does a better job of explaining it, but I can't seem to find any of her posts on the fandom subject). It also helps that I've put myself in the internet spotlight for several years. By writing this blog, posting about my day to day life on Twitter and sharing my real life photos, I'm sure I've got some fans who are more like friends.



Going to see Juno with fellow fangirl & friend Trixie

When people join my site it's partly because they like and (I hope) get off on the naughty photos and sexy videos. But I get the most comments on the photos where I look most like me - not overly made up, casual clothes, in my own bedroom. I really like playing dress up, especially in costumes where I can really go all out, because that's the fantasy part of all of this that really turns ME on. But my fans? They connect with the amateur, "real" pics.

I imagine that's because some of them (you?) feel a lot like they know me, they get me, even though we've never met face to face. And that's exactly the way I feel about Diablo Cody, Trixie (before we met in person), AmberLily and a few other internet folks.

When you look at how openly a lot of bloggers write about their lives, then throw on the 24/7 access that webgirls with spy cams give you, it starts to make sense. I know more about what my internet friends did last week than I do about my neighbors, my sister or my friends who live just down the street.

For someone with my social phobia/anxiety issues, it's really comforting to have that level of connection with another person without the burden of having to reciprocate. I want to know how my family is doing. I want to know if my girlfriend is having a good day at work. I don't, however, want to have to talk on the phone and make the appropriate responses and force myself to listen when a big shiny red ball bounces by. Yes, my feeble attention span is a big part of what makes social situations trying. Digital intimacy on my own schedule suits me.

I can understand why some people will think this is weird or a sad commentary on life in the 21st century. I don't think that because the relationships are primarily one way or voyeuristic makes them less valuable though. If anything, I think it makes them more honest and possibly realer because there are NO expectations. There are no worries about whether the other person likes you back. You don't adjust anything to try and fit in or bite your tongue because you don't want to offend. You're not trying to impress the other person or be nice to them just because they work with you/live next door/are friends with so & so. If you subscribe to someone's blog or website, it's simply because you like her (or him), with no strings attached.

That feels a lot more real to me than traditional relationships based on proximity. Oh, and Diablo Cody rocks.