WORST Penis Enlargement Spam Ever

My mornings usually start off something like this:

* cell phone alarm goes off (currently rocking Gasolina by Daddy Yankee, intended to make my sleepy booty start shaking itself on auto-pilot, thus waking my whole body up)

* turn off cell phone alarm and go back to bed

* attempt to snuggle with the White Dog, possessor of the softest, warmest belly in the world. Bonus: she barely growls at me when she's sleepy!

* lay in bed tallying the number of things I have to do that day until my guilt threshold is reached and propels my ass out of bed

* let dogs out, make coffee

* settle at my desk with coffee and cereal (or toast, if I'm out of milk. Like this morning)

* check email

* check newsreader RSS feeds

While checking my mail first thing in the morning, yet to even start my first cup of coffee might I remind you, I really don't enjoy sifting through dozens of penis enlargement emails. Shocking, I know. I get hundreds of spam messages a day for Viagra, Cialis and whatever snake oil the spammers are currently pushing to try to make my (nonexistent) penis bigger. I get penny stock offers and replica Rolex spam too, but my inbox is definitely cock-centric. With all of this C-mail, you wouldn't think that any message would jump out at me from the depths of my junk mail folder, but this morning I noticed this doozy:

"Beat her womb with your new big rod, so that she knew who wears the pants!"

FYI: in case you were, you know, considering ordering the magic rod pills, I'm quite sure I can safely speak for all women when I say that none of us want our wombs beaten.

Thank you.