the Bikini Diet

I've spent far too much time at hospitals or doctor offices this weekend for the average bear. My girlfriend's test went fine on Friday, though we're actually hoping for bad news. She has horrible knee & joint pain which she's been complaining to her doctor about for several years. He usually tosses her a new prescription instead of referring her to a specialist who might consider her a good candidate for surgery now, while she's still young & the pain is bearable. I had my yearly physical on Thursday & had the opposite (though no better) experience. I walked out with no prescriptions, but referrals to 2 other doctors & still ended up at a walk-in clinic on Saturday to deal with an issue we didn't have time to get to. My doctor is always running behind & this was the second time I'd had an appointment for my physical. The first time I waited over an hour & a half in the waiting room & finally just walked out. He is *always* late. This time I arrived 20 minutes late & was seen rather quickly, but still budgeted the time & focused on long term concerns first, like my stupid left ear that pops when I blow my nose & drives me crazy. By the time we did all the tests & went over my blood work results I'd been in there close to an hour. In case you're curious: cholesterol is fine, blood pressure low, cortisol (the "stress hormone") is super high. Go figure!

After all that, I didn't bother asking about my current issue - the fact that I'm still sick from my trip. I assumed it would go away on its own now that I'm back to a normal routine: eating my usual diet, no less alcohol, no sun or heatstroke. After the hospital on Friday, my girlfriend & I went out for a drink to look at holiday pictures & whine about life in the frozen tundra. When she sprinted for the toilet, I realized antibiotics may be required to fix us (& secretly cheered that I'm not the only one in post-holiday hell). We're now on day 9 with no regularity in sight. That's not a good sign.

On Saturday I hit the walk-in clinic near my house, waited less than 5 minutes & saw a doctor. Perfect! Why can't my primary work like that? Unfortch he couldn't prescribe me anything until he knows exactly what kind of bug I have, so it was off to the lab for me (also open on Saturdays!), back home with my "collection kit" & then back to the lab again to deliver the treat from my personal collection. I'm crossing my fingers that the doc can just phone in my prescription so I'll need only 1 more trip to the pharmacy to pick it up. I've had wayyyy too much time driving & sitting in waiting rooms this week, especially while running on very little energy.

The lab tech was quite amusing though. She's going to Dominican with her family next month & asked me:

So, did you take the anti-malaria meds before you left?
No.
Twinrex? (hepatitis A&B)
Nope.
That other thing (that I don't remember) that is supposed to help combat bacteria & food borne illness?
Clearly no.

But it was still worth it! I had such a great time, Lindsay Lohan-style crash diet or not. The sun, the people, the floating in the pool pina colada in hand while watching the sun go down...heaven. Hey, at least I don't have to worry about gaining weight after a week of all-inclusive overindulgence AND I get the added bonus of a lovely "tan" brought on from all the malaria. Jaundice is the new black!