Big Ass Pics...Literally

Finally got my first nude photo set up on www.PrivateKitten.com. I can't believe how freakin' long it takes to edit a photo set when you want a more glam look. I'm used to totally amateur stuff, so as long as I'm not giving an eyes half shut, I'm the sexiest babe with Down syndrome-look, it stays in the set. The entire image editing process for amateur pics consists of hitting the delete key & maybe adding a watermark during the gallery batching process. Easy peasy. Trying to make photos that I shot myself with a remote look like they were shot in a real studio with a real photographer? That means opening each & every fucking photo to adjust the brightness, contrast & so on. While I'm shooting it's impossible for me to see that I'm not getting enough light on my face so the photo looks uneven. And since I take so much longer to shoot when I have to get up to manually adjust the camera & tripod for each pose, the lighting has changed dramatically by the end of the shoot. My bedroom has got a huge window in it - great for light, but bad for consistent light since those pesky clouds won't stay in one spot for very long. Grrrrrr!

More photo editing this weekend, uploading a bunch of videos from some other cuties & a birthday party tomorrow thrown by my girlfriend Polly's new man. Awkward silences & social anxiety should be plentiful.

Speaking of my nonexistent social skills, I was reading a fellow web girl's blog tonight & thinking about how few friends I have, both in the adult industry & in my vanilla life, & of course, I'm feeling sad. There are so many things I'd like to do that I miss out on because I don't know anyone else who would be interested. That's partly my fault because I badly want to leave this city, so I consciously won't sign up for things, make big home purchases or try to connect with people so it will be easier to move. I don't want to put down roots here. But time moves quickly & I can't believe that 2005 is drawing to a close with no moving vans in sight.

Normally that wouldn't be enough to have me eating oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough out of the package since I'm well aware that I tend to keep people at arm's length, but this girl is one of the few people I've met over the years that I truly enjoy. She's the type of person I could confess anything to, who could make me feel completely comfortable & could tell me I'm being a complete fucktard without skipping a beat. I haven't been able to travel much over the last couple of years due to both personal & business stuff, but just keeping up on her blog posts & the odd emails makes me feel connected to her. It never dawned on me that the friendship could be one-directional & I'm fabricating a shared closeness.

I'm not sure if I should post this now, since I wouldn't want her to feel obligated to validate our friendship, but it's really an interesting question - how accurate is one's perception of reality when there is little real world interaction? And also - am I fucking stalker?! I guess seeing some friends in RL tomorrow will be good for me. I'll have to postpone the additions to my hair dolls & web girl shrines until Monday.